The concept of settling is one I’ve only recently explored. I recently sat with a friend who felt like she was in the same boat in her relationship. I see it everywhere now. People in relationships are not unhappy, but they’re not happy either.
So why do people settle? This question was prompted by my friend’s visit and my most recent relationship where I pondered the real reason we broke up. For me, it was something I saw happening in the future, but not anytime soon. However, it was the fact that a part of me expected our relationship to end in the future that simply says it all. My roommate even asked if I really thought we were going to be together forever. I realized I always fantasized about settling down because there’s comfort in settling with someone who knows you well. Simply put, there’s comfort in companionship. At some point, everyone wants to settle down with their perfect person. For me, I realized I had all the right ideas but with the wrong person.
When our relationship came to an end I realized I wasn’t necessarily sad that we were over. I was sad because I lost a sense of security and grew comfortable in companionship. However, I realized I always craved more. I was always trying to change him into something I wanted in a partner for future years to come, unhappy with who he was then and there. Simply put, I was settling.
I realized with time that no one should ever feel like they’re settling. You’re meant to be with someone who constantly challenges you and is consistent in your relationship. After college, while trying to get my shit together, I realized that you’re put in a position where you have to reevaluate your priorities, your values and realize who you are and what you want. It’s important to know exactly what you want and most importantly know yourself.
Post-breakup I had less anxiety and felt less frustrated all the time. I no longer felt the pressure to fix something. I no longer craved more. I no longer felt held back and now I could experience what I had been wanting to experience. I started hanging out with friends whose presence I genuinely enjoyed. I found my first full-time job and became inspired for new art, content and writing. For a brief moment in my life, I forgot what it was like to genuinely put myself first and recently I’ve literally been living my best life.
For every woman out there who feels like they’re settling, it’s OK to crave that special attention. It’s OK to be comfortable in your companionship. It’s not OK to lose sight of yourself for the wrong person. The right person will not make you feel like you’re picking up the pieces, they’ll be the missing piece you need to complete your puzzled life. Sometimes change is a blessing in disguise and it’s important to never settle for anything you deem not worthy of your time and effort.
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